The Dangers of the Expectations We Carry
Navigating the complexities of expectations and the struggles of human nature.
Ah, expectations. Those treacherous little whispers in our minds that masquerade as innocent hopes and desires. We all carry them like burdensome baggage, dragging us down. From a young age, we are taught to expect certain things from the people in our lives and to assign them roles and responsibilities that define our relationships.
But what happens when those expectations are not met? When the people we rely on fail to live up to the ideals we have created for them? There are dangers of such expectations — dangers that I, myself, have proudly embraced.
You see, I was once one of those naive individuals who believed in the power of expectations. I bought into the idea that my sister would be my loyal confidante and best friend, my father would be my eternal protector, and my mother would be my non-judgmental, nurturing guide.
But as life unfolded, these expectations came crashing down like a house of cards in a gentle breeze. And in their ruins, I found myself drowning in disappointment.
It was then that a glimmer of realization dawned upon me. Expectations are a perilous path to follow. When we place these burdensome demands upon others, we set ourselves up for nothing but failure.
We become blinded by the idea that individuals must conform to our predefined roles, forgetting that they, too, are flawed, imperfect beings on their own journeys of self-discovery.
We should consider the blessings from less-than-perfect family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and the like. What valuable skills can we acquire through their failings? Resilience, patience, humility, fortitude, tolerance, and faith, to name a few. These are the lessons that come from navigating the rocky terrain of disappointment and forging our own paths, independent of the expectations that were once forcefully thrust upon us.
I, too, have walked this treacherous road, burdened by unmet expectations. But as I look back, I realize that I have emerged stronger for the lessons I have learned.
I have come to understand the immense power of forgiveness, not just for those unable to fulfill their expected roles in my life but also for myself, for holding onto those expectations. By releasing those who hurt me from my life, I have discovered a sense of liberation and the chance to focus on my personal growth.
So, let us reflect upon the dangers of expectations. Let us question the validity of the roles we assign to others. Let us release ourselves from the shackles of disappointment and embrace the beautiful chaos of human imperfection.
In this vulnerability, we find the precious lessons that shape our futures. And though our expectations may crumble like withered leaves, they leave behind the fertile ground for new beginnings to bloom.
And so, I leave you with these conflicted thoughts. Cherish the lessons of disappointment; they are the stepping stones to resilience. Embrace the flaws of others, for they mirror our own. And as we free ourselves from the clutches of expectations, may we find solace in the understanding that the greatest expectations we must carry are the ones we have of ourselves.
Deborah Holmén’s book, It Takes A Lot of Sh*t to Grow Beautiful Flowers: A Gardener’s Guide to Life coming soon, Spring of 2024.